Why is the validity of serenity so short?

I very strongly believe that peace is directly proportional to expectations.. I'm sure u will second that too..

The moment we r content about everything in our surroundings there will be someone around us to advice us on how we should be expecting something more. How funny... U wait for something so important to happen.. It happens finally..  n here u take a sigh of relief.. U r still basking in the glory of ur achievement and someone shakes u from ur merry state and says ur achievement is nothing! It had to happened n it did.. So don't damn rejoice n there is something more u still need to do. Wtf.. 

If u can't rejoice with me u can't spoil my merriment either.. U can care for me but don't be like a unsatisfied soul who wants everything as per her wish n time.. 

I thought not everyone thinks like this.. There r just a few selfish people who think only for themselves .. Now I realise everyone thinks similar just the timings r diff.. One is just blunt about it and one is pretentious. 

(I am not claiming to not fall in any such category) Like each one of us feels, I feel the same.. 'I'm always thinking right'.. Right now I just know that I have to fight my own battle n I have to find my own peace.. It's me who has to plan my life with all the abuses n advices I get.

I have somehow started living inline with peace n serenity.. Not because I could see anything better happening but because stressing out was not doing anything good to me. Trust me I don't want to leave this zone for anyone.. Specially for no one who has to think in their own ways n one sided. A sleepless night is all I achieve out of this..

I realised one more thing - the way you put forth your point is more important than the point itself. Even a concern can sound like aarghhh-just-shut-up and sarcasm a compliment.. Just say it right!!

Let me smile :)

Tried my hands on expressing myself in a verse form....

Make me glee, Set me free!

I'm no cloud with a silver lining for u to notice n see,

I'm no loud with words for u to hear me,

Im just a dew drop maybe u dont even want to feel.

I know there is a blade of grass who is fond of me

Who will glitter n shine in my company

I still look back to you coz I can not forget I'm a part of you

I'm your blood and you're my kin

Every day I wait for u to want me

But my desire is unreal possibly,

There are times when I ask 

But you conceal my demand with a mask.

U feel I'm not worthy of your attention

But I'm not despicable to not even mention

Every word I say makes u ire

Will u realise my worth only on my pyre?

It will be too late by then

Hoping to hear from you before my wants end.

This has nothing to do with my personal life.. heard a close one's problem today and penned this down..

Family ties...

Had a long travel today.. All by my own for a change.. 

Had an experience to think of.. That triggered my thinking cell and once again the thought of scattered relationships comes to my mind..

I feel we have so many relations around that we either forget our priorities or we conveniently don't bother as we have so many other options around.

It's weird but true.. I have seen many people know what they really want in life and what each person means to them.. I'm still talking about people.. This reminds me of an incident which involves no person but a dog who has stayed 2 years with them.. I know a person who with a group of best buddies is watching a movie and comes out in between just because he gets a call from his family saying his dog is unable to walk properly.. Even without a second thought he drove back home only to sit beside his dog.. Feeling the pain the dog must be going thru and feeling as restless as the dog.. Observing every moment and expression only yo gauge what he must be going thru at that moment..

Today's instance.. A family member was very upset as her dear one was hospitalized, unable to meet her due to the distance could only sit at home n speak to other family members over the phone and wonder what is really happening with her dear one.. All she could expect is some condolence and some support.. Her agony was considered less important in comparison to a dinner with a bunch of friends which whom an entire day was already spent.. Makes me think and gets me irritated. 

Lucky are the ones who have so many options around but how unlucky that they make a mistake while setting their priorities.. I am glad in have a small world with a small bunch of people and my own priorities, which come-what-may will not change. The level of concern at different situations may differ but the precedence will be the same.. Atleast i am hoping so because I do not want to step on floating stones, those which will make me fall if I don't balance properly.. I rather walk on a mushy land atleast it will think twice before leaving me as I take my every step..

Tick Tock goes the clock...

Again a random thought while traveling.. How we have grown and every passing year our needs have changed..
A few years back seem pretty much the same.. the hunger to grow, to butter the boss better than anyone else, make the best of life etc etc etc...

These needs where so different and so innocent maybe around 20 years back..
I wanted to win a race with my father while walking on the beach.. I wanted to walk ahead without holding my moms hand while she shopped.. I wanted to show how matured and grown up i am.. To show that i am just like them and understand things as much as they did.. I wanted to hang around with my elders sisters friends only to feel i have such cool and college going friends and feel ahead of times in front of my friends...
I liked so many things only because my sister or her friend or my classmates liked it and i wanted to be a part of the so-called-cool and updated conversation..

Today things have changed.. I still want to win the race but not the jovial, innocent one with my family.. i want to win the corporate race where we all rats race together and nibble the small/big obstructions that come in the way. Today i don't feel like being all matured and grown up all the time.. i want to be just myself, laugh my lungs out when i want to, not caring who is around with whom i am.. I do not want to like what others like and feel horrible only to look cool.. I am just like this, maybe a fool but atleast not falsely cool.. I want some one to hold my hand and walk along with me... whom i do not have to show how much i know n understand.. who can see me thru my bad hair days as well and not mind my tantrums or mood swings on some days..

Looks like i have demanded too much from life.. never ending demands u see ;)

Laterssss...

Fathers are so important!

I have started this AC bus travel from my home to office. I have many bus-stop friends, we smile at each other every morning. 

Not to forget I have a very special friend... Not my bus stop friend but who accompanies me all thru my journey to office. We share many things.. All close to the heart and confidential. Chutki is her nick name.

Today I wish to mention this because since yesterday we connected with a very special and close to the heart topic. She mentioned to me about her father who is no more with her. A relationship cherished, respected and now missed. A relationship not expressed! She realized how some things not taught where preached by him only to one day make her know how to face things.  He was lived with his kids like a friend. He was never very verbose.

This has nothing to do with the cliche line- you understand any persons importance only once he is gone.  But this has everything to do with learning with time, understanding actions and the depth in them. 

He never deprived his kids of any luxuries of life but at the same time never made them realize that they are much more well to do than the others. The kids had everything that many around them did not even think as a part of their daily life but all the kids knew where they where a basic middle class family (that's how people spoke around 30 years back).

My special friend realized the fact that she never had to be like a rich bitch and had to be down-to-earth always.

After any exam, if Chutki happened to come home with a long face for her exam dint go well.. All he would say is if u waste time crying and thinking now your next exam will be tougher so gather yourself and get started for the next exam with an extra effort. 

We need this lesson in every downfall of our life.. This a father taught when his kids knew exams where passed by reading a few books!

Not forgetting to mention the most important of many other learnings and her understanding of her fathers actions we shared...

 Her father came from a rich and a very powerful family.. A family close knit and everyone just following the leader-the head of the family. Chutki's father left that house at a very early age saying he wants to study. He studied but was a rich fathers spoilt brat.. Drank coke everyday god knows how many times in a day... It must be tentatively 1950s then... He mentioned it as 'I drank coke instead of water'! He finished his masters from Fergusson College,Pune.. 1970s.. 

What comes to your mind next when you read this.. A great job with an awesome salary? No! its a semi English municipal school in the day and a night school evening onwards (kids who work all day for a living study here at a minimal fees). He pursued his passion!!

A passion not imbibed on any family member, a passion which kept him going all his life, a passion which got him sound sleep and a content smile.. 

It does not get over here.. He went to slums and taught the kids.. He bore the cost of education of many.. He never spoke about it to anyone.. He did not want the propaganda. And I must say what a passion... He breath his last with these kids with a chalk in his hand.

Have a passion or a dream.. Pursue it!!

Chutki is right when she kept mentioning that he was very special.. She realized she is still understanding her father with every incident that occurs in her life..  With this we reached our destination and she again hid somewhere leaving me alone among so many people.